Standing Out In the Rain

Today it rained. For so long [okay maybe not so long more like a week] we were under gray clouds and the threat of rain. But it did not rain until today and boy, did it rain. And right now I just heard thunder. Nice...

Anyways, today was a creative day

I was playing with my make up and here are the results:

I call it My Imperfect Heart and you'll see why soon. This was actually really fun to do. I love pink and orange together. This orange was from Inglot, the pink from

LA Colors- Tease and

ELF Punk Funk .

The blue is also from Inglot. The mascara is Covergirl Lash Blast in black.

I actually prefer Carbon Black by L'oreal. Now you'll see why

Haha, my heart really is imperfect but I don't think it was so bad for a first try. My advice for anyone wanting to try this out is use a stencil, it'll make it so much more simpler, neater, and even looking. xP

You can see the Carbon Black mascara here from L'oreal. I love love love this mascara. I accidentally bought the one that wasn't waterproof but that's alright because it lasts a looooong time.

Okay now I'm going to log off because it's really starting to thunder a lot now! I'll leave you with one more picture and au revoir!!

I Write Letters To Myself

So a few days ago I decided to go back and start saving all poems I've written online so I can print them out and save them. Of course when you see something written you can't help but start to read them. Now I'm not at a point where I can laugh at everything I wrote but I can admit I laughed at some of my writings while others simply got a shake of my head. But it also got me thinking who in the world did I write these poems to? Did I really think anyone was going to read them? Some of my friends did, I know that. But did I write that for them? Or the boy I was crushing on, the parents I was mad at or the siblings that annoyed me?

Did I want someone to read my words or was I just satisfied that I got them out my head? I guess it was the second choice and kind of the first one too. I just needed to write so badly and get out those words and thoughts but part of me hoped someone would read my work and love it. I had people who love my work, not all of it. I also had people who kind of liked it and some who just wrinkled their noses and said okay. Some poems that I really enjoyed writing and felt were my best sometimes were considered "Hey, pretty good..." which made me feel confused because sometimes a poem I just wrote when I felt like I wasn't in my right state of mind were very loved.

It's crazy how that happens. I wonder who really ever passes by and reads what I write. I don't claim to be the world's best writer, I am so far from it nor am I trying to be the best. Sometimes my words don't make sense, sometimes my thoughts are incomplete, sometimes I put a comma where a period should be, sometimes I rhyme and sometimes I don't. Sometimes it's prose, sometimes it's a poem. Sometimes it's complete nonsense and then there's reason. Sometimes it's completely out there or way too hidden. Maybe it's all a waste or a saving grace.

All I know is that they're my words. My thoughts. My feelings. Maybe it's all messy. My mind is pretty messy. I really am a mess of a girl. And it's not always in a bad way.

Sometimes, most of the time, I don't want my writing to be shown or critiqued. I feel like it takes something away from it because in all honesty, in my writing there I am. In the way I messed up the grammar and misspelled the word, there I am. Hidden between the letters, screaming with my words, there I am.

Hmm... so I guess there's my answer. I write for me. I write for you. I write for me, I write so you know me and maybe will understand me.